I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
