I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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