So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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