My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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