Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
