If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
