Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
