i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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