I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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