I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
