just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
