I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Small penises have feelings too.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
