There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
