Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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