Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
