I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
