I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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