So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
