Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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