I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
