Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
