I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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