we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
