The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
