I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
