I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
