Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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