Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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