my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
