Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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