Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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