Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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