Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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