If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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