Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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