fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
