Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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