so that wasnt chicken after all
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize