I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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