when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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