doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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