Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
