I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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