im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize