Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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