He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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