It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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