The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
