I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
