thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
