And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
