i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
