dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
