i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
