over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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