New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
