i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
