Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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