More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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