I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize