Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
