Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
