Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize