Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
