There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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