I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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