I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
