my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think i have two assholes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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