Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
